Trying to do better

I am a married man who lies to his wife at almost any cost and i try to do better but i keep seeming to make the wrong fucking decisions and putting myself in these silly ass situations. i dont know how to be a good man i had no one to teach me. My punk ass dad put his hands on my mom when i was a baby and i didnt see this nigga till i was like 8 or 9 and maybe 5 times after that and when i was 21 he died left 6 kids fatherless and the next dude my mom married cheated on her so for the most part i had no real nigga in my life to teach me how to be a man. So i fucked with hella females in my life time ive cheated been cheated on and at this part i dont think i have much of a heart left which could be the reason i behave the way i do now. Idk she constly catches me doin the most dumb shit finding messages in my phone or pics females send me on my laptop. I sometimes think that i dont deserve to be with anyone, like im suppose to spend my life alone. I am 29 with 4 kids ive play basketball overseas i own my own business so dont think for one second that im jus some bum ass dude but when it comes to this relationship shit i jus suck. But like i said im trying, thas all i have to say.

Sincerely,

A Nigga Trying To Do Better